THE JEWISH DOG

Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a problem." 
Dr. Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem." 
"It's a Jewish dog.  His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty. 
"He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks. 

"Watch this!"  Morty points to the dog and commands:  "Irving , Fetch!" 
Irving, the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says, "So why are you talking to me like that? 

...You always order me around like I'm nothing. 
...And you only call me when you want something.   
...And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis... 
...You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet.   
...It tastes like dreck!  YOU should eat it yourself! 
...And do you ever take me for a decent walk? 
...NO, it's out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. 
...Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! 
...I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!" 

Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable!  So, what's the problem?" 

Morty says, "He has a hearing problem!  I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch'!"